Emotions

Today I think was the first time I have felt properly home sick since I arrived here. No idea why…maybe because I finally got round to reading all your lovely emails and messages as I haven’t had much access to internet recently (don’t get me wrong, I love hearing from all of you so keep it coming!!!).

Anyway, today I found myself acting as a mother to a girl only a year younger than me…a strange feeling, but as I cuddled her and gave her a kiss to calm her down, I realised how much I enjoy providing emotional support to the children. After a little chat in broken Xhosa/English I managed to help her sort out the problem and by the end of the day she seemed much more relaxed and happy about the situation.

This evening I went to evening prayers in the dim light of the children’s sitting room, as I do nearly every evening at 7pm. It started as usual with singing and then the usual chorus of whispers followed by the shaking of hands before a circle was formed for the final song - quite a cheery one today which was sung a total of about 5 times just for the fun of it! Smiles, clapping and loud singing are always a good way to end a day…then BAM! The birthday girl, usually the most confident and loudest of the lot in the classroom, plods over to me from the other side of the circle with watery eyes and head hung to her shoulders, she bursts into tears in my arms as all the other children continue to sing happily around her with only a few glances over to see if she is ok. Although I still don’t know why she was crying, I can have a pretty good guess why - no one wants to spend their birthday away from home, especially when you have just turned 10. As I sat her on my lap and hugged her for the rest of the prayers, I could actually feel the lump growing in my throat, this time not from missing home, but for her…a strange switch from how I had been feeling the rest of the day.

As I looked around the room, I also watched a 9 year old singing his heart out during prayers…a young boy who has spent half his life in the home, still with the biggest cheekiest grin on his face…

There’s no time for me to feel homesick here when the children that surround me day in-day out are often so unexpectedly taken away from their own families with no idea when they will be returned home. For now, I’m still happy to be here and to be their ‘Mama’ as I am now more frequently being called.

Hats off to mum back home <3 xxx